Things Authors Do That I Don't Understand

They say never trust someone who talks to beings that aren't there. If this were truly the case, we would all be in trouble. But even outside the magical world of literature, there are some things that authors do that I just don't understand...

Limit One Per Customer
Signed books are awesome, like it doesn't matter who you are, you will want one. Don't know the author? Pffft, so what, the book is autographed by them and that means something! So when an author puts up that announcement that says "buy an autographed book by me for x amount of cash through paypal"

   

 I jump on the offer like you wouldn't believe. But when it is followed by "limit one per customer" the train stops. I run an awesome page and blog (or at least I would like to think so) and these autographed books are like my bread and butter. What is cooler than getting something signed by an author in a giveaway? Sadly this means I need two copies, cause sorry ya'll, but I am getting a book for myself as well. I do understand to a point. Like if you only order ten or twenty copies you don't want someone buying all of them at once. But come on, let me have two. Two is a small number still. (On another hand here, if someone wants ten or twenty signed copies of your book, why are you saying no? Taking their cash then order more. Seriously, how cool would it be for someone to put in that big of an order!?) So I just don't get the limit one per customer thing.

Swag
This sounds really funny if you just look at the title and not read any further.
"Vampy, how the hell do you not understand swag?! You hand it out sometimes in awesome giveaways!" Why thank you, and it's not that I don't understand swag, it's that I don't understand what some authors do with it. Bookmarks, keychains, buttons, like I have researched up the wazoo to see how much creating some of these products would cost. Why? Because it is awesome but I am a tight wallet chick. I know approximately how much you all spend on this stuff, and while handing it out in giveaways and such is awesome, I don't understand complaining about it afterwards. In order to get anywhere with a business, you have to invest in yourself. For authors, this means promotional swag and stuff of the like. It's just a smart way to enhance your sales. But afterwards to complain about the money you spend on your swag which you decided to hand out for free?! It blows my mind.
My thoughts go like this: First, why are you spending more on swag than you have to begin with? Make homemade stuff, it comes from the heart and it is cheap. People will still want it.
Second, if you are ordering it offline and your stock is getting low, you're almost out of cash, why not sell it? If an author came to me and was like "Vampy, I have this bookmark I am selling for $2.50- includes shipping- are you interested?" My reaction would be one of two things. Either I would go "Hell yeah, give me two! What is your paypal?" or "fuck, can it wait until next payday? I want it, but I need to get that check first!"
And I know I'm not the only one!
Especially if you sign it, which will take about three seconds with a pen or marker. Big named authors do it, don't be afraid to do the same every now and then. Just keep your prices reasonable.

Street Teams
I may have brought this up before, but I don't understand them. What are they suppose to accomplish, and why do they have a specific name for them? From what I understand street teams are groups of fans who work under the author for nothing to spread the word of that author's latest project all around the internet. If this is true, I am on a dozen street teams. Come to me and ask me to post something, and I will. I won't turn anyone down, even if I didn't personally enjoy your book. I think the only people I refuse to talk about on my page are Allison Noel and P.C. Cast (sorry, but I can't stand any of their books. And I did give their work an honest try.) But anyone else? I am your number one fan!!

 

So another thing that baffles me is what the street team gets in return for posting all of those teasers, links, and just promoting like crazy. (I realize this entire thing is sounding greedy, but in some cases you need to be. Like I said, being an author is like running your own business. Not everything can be free.) Why join one? What are you getting? Like, does the author send you free swag to pass out in giveaways and stuff? If so, then I could totally understand it. I will promote any and everyone for free, but receiving random swag for it just makes the job that much cooler. I feel appreciated for it, and no lie, almost like I'm in debt to that author. I will post them more because my brain thinks I need to repay them somehow, and that is the only way I can really do so. Or maybe I'll trade them swag, or send them candy, or something. Running with how I perceive street teams, my whole page and blog is everyone's street team. All I do is ramble, and promote books. So why give it a name like that? I am but your humble fan doing what I love to do- talk to strangers about books and everything related. Do I mind doing any of this without something in return? Not at all! But this street team name to go with it? I don't get it. 

 I know I am probably wrong on more than half of this, but these are my thoughts. And I don't doubt that in the future I will run across more authors who will do stuff I don't understand. But this is the wrap up for now so I can get back to my book. Got some answers or questions of your own? Post them below in the comments! Love you all!